HERE ARE THE LISTS OF TV SERIES WHICH I FOLLOWED SINCE THE FIRST EPS TILL NOW :) I'M A SUCKER FOR SERIES...ADDICTED LA...HOHO...
1) Gossip Girl
- owh, the new season brings about Dan-Blair combination...love love love and love!!! i don't know why but this brunette-brunette couple with wide round eyes and perfect smiles like theirs really win my heart...haha...the rest xkisah sgt...i adore these couple...pls pls pls let them be together...huhuuuuu...
2) Grey's Anatomy
- i'm waiting for Lexie-Avery couple to start...comel2...though i don't fancy those lesbian slash bi thingy plus pregnancy going on, but i still love the drama...some of the eps were full of romance, but some actually gave me some insight on how a medical life would be...like i said, SOME of them only~ hehehe...apepun, i layan saje...utk tontonan golongan muda mudi only...this isn't suitable for kids, hahaha...and older people eg; the parents hate it so much...hahaha...
3) Vampire Diaries
- stefan & elena are going on strong...i was quite sad when the vampire-warewolve couple (tyler & caroline) didnt make it...dorg sgt comel...huhuhuhu...anyway, there's not much in it...mostly were just about the history and all the plots to kill elena and they were all trying to protect her and break the curse...blablabla bosan...thank god damon salvatore is HOT as always...hahaha...fyi, he won the most voted for favourite fictional vampire (edward cullen pun kalah) hotsssssssss....maka dgn itu nk tunjuk gambar damon in here...lol...drooooooooooooool...hahaha...
4) Brothers & Sisters
- haha...i know...somehow i ended up watching this soap...its not peer pressure, cause my friends sume xtau kewujudan citer ini lalu menimbulkan kehairanan mengape alia dok tgk citer org2 tua yg mengisahkan pasal konflik family...to tell u the truth, it was my mom who kept on bragging that this is the only drama she loves to watch...seriously, mom yg xpernah2 nk layan series ape2, sampai pegi cari setiap episodes in the internet, in case she missed it on tv...i was like whoaaaaa this must be a hell of a drama...which able to make my mom that addicted...hahahaha...mom siap puji2 konon pelakon2 handalan mmg terer sgt, then the scripts were amazing...so i checked it, out of curiosity...lame2 tgk mcm dh terkenan jugak...tgk dpd mula smpai skrg...hahaha...owh, here i love the kevin-scotty couple, they're THE CUTEST GAY COUPLE EVER...not that i support gay thingy, haram kan...but still, comel la...we'll be like "aaaaaaaawwwwwwwww" byk2 kali...haha...
- hehe...another MD series...i watched this cause i'm interested in the puzzle like diagnosis...mind that those portrait in the drama were all mainly the rare complicated diseases which weren't able to be detected by other doctors hence they brought the patients to this special diagnostic department of house to solve the mystery...susah nk ckp dlm bahasa lebih senang, tp mcm tulah...why am i explaining this? cause some people who didnt knw asked me why does House only treat one patient at a time...mcm tipu...tapi tak tipu pun...mmg ade mcm ni...and house xbyk sgt drama or scandal mcm grey's...so senang sikit nak tgk...i pening kalau bende2 byk scandal ni, dok tukar2 pasangan...geli kot (tapi tgk jugak...lol)...mcm grey's...or worse gossip girl...mmg asyik tukar2 je...sume org adalah ex sume org...pening~ and owh, the new girl is cute
- owh, i love horror ghost2 thingy...sebab tu tgk supernatural dulu2...seram jugak la...kalau dulu2 tgk dgn penuh saspen, but now with the apocalypse plot and with angels demon hell heaven thingy, semua dh merepek2 sgt dh...kiamat rekaan mereka sgt tidak menarik perhatianku...xde hantu takut2 dh...*sigh* xsuke tapi still tgk utk menghabiskan cerita...and of course because of the two hunky brothers yg sgt adorable :) wut else~ comel comel comel sgt sukeeeeeeee!
7) How I Met Your Mother
- LOVESSSSSSSSS...hahaha...can't wait for lily-marshall baby news (they're still working on it)...i want robin-barney couple back...huhuhu...so sad that they split up after a while being a very2 cute couple...ended up by both being too passive and obese...hahaha...hilarious...i want them back!!! lastly of course, who the hell is the mother? get her out already!!! dh season 6 kot...cnt wait to know who they'll gonna cast to be the mother...i wonder if she could trump robin...wait and see... :)
- my sis was the one who asked me to watch this...she had the whole season 1 & 2...so last hols when i went bck to malaysia, with so much free time i finally ended up watching this series...the characters were unadmirable (a.k.a no hotties...hahahaha) and i hate the one who became gwen...she's old and urrrghhhh just google her if u wanna know...i know the stories of king arthur, he'll end up marrying gwen...sebab tu xsuke...lame2 xberminat nk tgk...kejam ke kalau judge a drama by the cast? hahaha...logik la bukan...disebabkan itu cerita2 zaman dulu2, maka xmungkin gwen akan undergo plastic surgery lalu bertukar menjadi a hot babe...hmm, but i kan jenis yg xleh tgk separuh2...so i am still following it...huhuhu...
- i love jennifer garner...and i watched this series till the end...haha...citer serious and complicated...with the plots of rambaldi thingy yg sgt merepek lalu ternyata cerita ini adalah fiction semata-mata, maka i pun ikut jelah tanpa rasa kagum atau tertipu dgn ape2 mitos...hahaha...best la, action series, dgn heroin yg hot sgt2...i ikut sampai habis...owh, she's brilliant, and gorgeous...perfect...and i love to see her changing hairs and clothes...haha...mcm best...vaughn-sydney couple is cute...
10) Prison Break
- alasan xyah ckp la semestinya sebab wentworth miller yg hot itu...lol...never a fan of botak guy until i saw this one...hahaha...sexay...i watched this series till the end too...it was a fast, brilliant, action series that i adore so much...love all the characters, even t-bag yg jahat tu pun i suke...hahahaha...and i got emotionally attached into it...haha...maybe time tu dok perasan yg konon2 i Dr Sara and michael was mine...lol...talking bout teenager...i cried when michael died saving his wife...hahaha...wut a stupid ending, nk lempar tv tp akhirnya dpt menerima kenyataan...emotional bukan? hahahaha...
its 12 am in manipal...and as usual, this is like 8pm in my own biological clock...i'll be dizzy mizzy at around 5am, baru la terhegeh2 nak tido...*sigh*
anyway, i'm forcing myself to study for this upcoming exam which would be on thursday a.k.a tomorrow in the real date & time...terpakse memakse diri...why? because i was too busy moving out from previous house to this new apartment which i'm staying along with another 3 new housemates for another lucky 6 months...hehe...hopefully...glad that they are actually my friends and also my classmates whom just like me, fatefully 'stranded' here... :) they're great people...i'm sure we're gonna make staying at this house a very memorable one...harap2 semua pass exam dgn cemerlang & terbilang...
owh, back to the exam thingy...right now i'm practicing my CPR skill ----> on my teddy a.k.a MABE MONTEY...dont ask me how and why did i came up with this name, i just dont knw...it just popped into my mind when my bestie shanad presented me montey when she came to manipal last time...haha...nk tgk montey?
a big fluffy huggable bear - MONTEYYYYYY
dah byk berjasa beliau padaku, i practiced alot on montey...call it anything, cpr? stitching? or even role playing...hohohohoho...i told last time about me main dokter2 berangan jumpe patient and prescribe ubt2 semua...well people, meet the 'patient'...hahaha...trust me...it helped me alot...
klah, i should go and move on with other topics...another IM injection and endotracheal intubation...the rest would be memorising the notes just like theory paper, which i'm gonna do tomorrow...harini habiskan segala clinical skills...esk bru hafal2...
huuuuuuuuuuu~ thank god i have this blog...tempat meluahkan perasaan...skrg terase sungguh bosan & sunyi...terus xtau nk buat ape lantas belajar atas nama exm...huhuhu...kenape bile tido lambat selalu akan timbul rase sunyi yg amat sgt? paling xbley blah bile dok emosi tetibe terase mcm xde sape peduli, padahal amat logiklah bile time2 mcm ni sume org dh ke alam tido...yg dicari semua bertidur-tiduran sudah...zzzzzz~
di kala bosan2 ni baik i post ape2 draft dlm my blog ni...byk betul...more than 100...tu la, byk bende nk tulis, tp dgn xde mase and xde mood...sume terbengkalai...huhu...now terase rajin nk browse2 internet serta membebel di blog sndiri...i'll continue with this so-called dream house :) best berangan2...the first part had already been done ages before : the bedroom
here i'd list again the rules 1)start by choosing the area of your house 2) list down the ideal criteria that you want 3) match them with pictures :) ~good luck~
♥ i love this sunshine pearly mirror, don't you?
♥ spongy comfy sofa sets
♥ high ceiling white curtains, nice coffee table
♥ this pink-purplish room is so cute, love the pillows & rug
I'm feeling extremely lazy today and i'm so not going to continue packing my stuffs right now...boxes are everywhere, my clothes are in bundles, books are already been arranged on the floor...dah punggah habis, tp malas nk susun lagi...sat lagi la smbung balik...owh, i malas sungguh nk packing brg...yer, baju2 mungkin akan dibawa dalam bentuk bunjut besar...hny brg2 seperti buku and kitchen utensils yg akan diletakkan dlm kotak...asal boleh dibawa ke rumah baru sudah...dekat saje rumah baru tu, kurang dari satu kilometer...dan brg2 pun xdelah byk mane...org bujang, tp memandangkan ini adalah bujang wanita yg almari sebesar wanita2 normal lain dan kasut2 berbondol2 dan beg berjenis2, ditambah pula dgn buku2 gedabak beliau sbg medic student ini...(>_<) byk sgt...huhuhu...xsangka mcm mane bleh dok kumpul brg sebanyak ini...tu pun ade hati nk pulang ke malaysia utk bershopping2 konon2 byk keperluan yg xcukup...alasan!
xpe2, skrg relax2 kejap...wahwah, mentang2 exam dh abis...eh tidak, exam belum abis lagi, bru theory paper...practical paper belum lagi, and yes people, for tht very own paper, harus juga study bagai mahu menjwb theory paper...begitu rumit bukan, tp xpe, i skrg pikir nk setel kemas2 brg and pindah rumah...then bru pikir secara pantas perihal exam itu mgu depan...tp yg terpaling penting mestilah acara pulang ke tanah air...hohohohohoh...xsbr sabtu mgu depan!!! cuti sebulan yeayyyyyy!!! (^_*)
-jgn hanya wish salam maulidur rasul, semata-mata perkataan sahaja...adalah lebih baik kalau titipkan selawat ke atas nabi dan baca al-quran...hari utk mengingati kelahiran Nabi kita ni perlu diserikan dgn amalan2 yg baik...bukan hny kata2 kosong tp dlm bentuk perbuatan...bukan nk tunjuk baik, tapi utk mengingat semua & diri sendiri...marilah menuju ke arah kebaikan...bermula dari skrg...semoga allah memberkati hari2 kita ini dan hari2 yg seterusnya...amin...-
My theory paper had just finished yesterday...Thanks to hundreds of loved ones out there who had been supporting me for all this while and pray for my success...Life isn't over with an episode of failure...Life goes on, happily...depends on how u take it...I admit that failing isn't that easy...only Allah knows how hard it was...u might lose everything, literally everything...but to see on the bright side, u'll find something new...the side that not all people could have the chance to see, but some how u had been fatefully forced into it...the opportunity that only u could have, the knowledge that only u could learn, the people that only u could meet...its not easy, but i could say here, its worth it & its not that bad...
to others, your failure might just be one of their sad news to hear...which would soon forgotten...but to u, this would be a big deal, you were crushed so badly that your entire life might need a huge change, even you yourself would become someone else ----> hopefully, the better you...
I might not been able to tell people out loud about this problem...well of course i took it personal...seriously personal...to have never been getting the F marks and walk around with a permanent F on ur forehead, of course i mourn and whine like a lot...and of course i'd feel like world isnt fair to me, how could god possibly punished me this way...and so on...and it took me few months to adjust and accept the fate that this is one of the ways to get through to make me better, for the future...like all the people who failed, my parents were enraged by it...i got scolded and god knows, they have never been mad at me in my whole life, until that day...and being an obedient child, i just kept my mouth shut and my eyes closed...i didn't even cry in front of them...
and then i learned something:
its so painfully unbearable to hear a person saying that its your own fault for your failure because you didn't even study and for the fact that you played alot, watched movies alot, facebooked alot, and got stupidly in love with some new guy, and got so carried away till you forgot about your exam, and you didn't remember god that much until you totally deserve to fail...and that person is your own parent...and its so much painful when the truth is you studied so crazily that you didn't have much time to sleep or go out having fun, for the whole month of study break, u only moved around back and forth between ur kitchen and bedroom...you missed a lot of the news from ur friends or even whatever happening back in malaysia because u were so into studying...its so painful when u failed even though u've tried ur best to even pass the exam...its more painful because u only failed by 1-2 marks from the passing line...and after doing a lot of blaming myself from not forcing my own ass to study a little bit more, if i did i might been able to get another 1-2 marks more that might change everything...i might be with all my friends and right now i'd be happily packing up my things to go back malaysia for good...but it didn't happen that way...talking about fate...takdir tuhan itu sgt misteri...i remembered people always say...kadang2 apa yg kita nak, bukanlah yg terbaik utk kita...kadang2 apa yg tuhan tetapkan, walaupun kita xsuka, tapi itulah yg terbaik...terimalah dgn hati yg terbuka...setiap yg terjadi ade hikmahnya...usaha, doa & tawakkal, selainnya tu ketentuan Allah...
i shall say that i'm happy now...skrg bru boleh nampak siapa yg betul2 kawan dalam susah senang...and siapa kwn utk bersenang saje...everyone will care for u, trust me...but not everyone loves u that much to support u, help u out when u fall down, to be there when u're alone...only true friends will...and of course your family...my parents might say those words because they were as scared as i was that time...if my life had been crushed, its more painful for them to see their beloved daughter who were growing up excellently since she was a baby, became like this...mom even cried so hard that i myself couldnt believe it that time...as if somebody died...but its true, parents are the only people who would feel double the pain when u fail...sape x sedih...they brought me up so well...i could recite a doa when i was 1 year old...i could read and speak so well without ckp pelat, since i was 3...i was the best in all my schools...sekolah rendah my marks had never been below 90...in my secondary schools, i was always one of the best...what a proud parents they were...anak yg sgt berdikari and xbyk masalah...an easy child...everything went on smoothly...if i were them, mestilah bangga jugak...then tibe2 dh amik medic ni, fail pulak...terkejut bkn kepalang la kan...
the day i had to returned here...my parents bought tickets to india at the airport...nak dtg cni utk tgk mcm mane i study...nk check anak dier dok main ke kt cni...they came a month later, only to found me studying like hell...dad were sleeping on my bed, while mom was watching hindi movies that time...and i was there to memorize all the drugs for the next day exam...i showed them my notes and books...and i showed them the amount i had to memorize...since that they became so understanding...even now i still have some nervous breakdown once in a while...to be honest, a few days ago...i cried so badly, saying sorry to mom and promised her i'd do my best to not disappoint her ever again...all she said "don't worry, ape nak jadi lepas ni xpelah, we'll figure it out later...mama tau alia dh cuba yg terbaik...kalau xboleh jugak maybe its not ur call...whatever happens, we're so proud of u"
the thing is...you're not dead when u failed...all u need to do is to get on ur feet first and make a plan b...allah tu maha penyayang...setiap yg terjadi ada hikmahnya, cuma lambat sikit la nk nampak apekah jenis hikmah disebaliknye tu...while waiting for that, adalah lebih baik kalau kita terima kenyataan dan berusaha lagi ke arah kebaikan...life isn't over yet...kalau satu jalan ditutup, pergilah jalan lain...teruskan berjalan...biar lambat, asal selamat sampai...mungkin jalan baru lebih penuh dgn buah-buahan & bunga2 yg wangi...biar sampai ke destinasi dgn senyuman... :) one step at a time...
now i know the feelings of others who failed...before this mcm xtahu sgt, seriously...i kept on telling them to continue studying, find other ways that suits u the best, and give more time for studying bla bla bla...i thought that was the ways to support a friend...what i missed the most was fate might be one of the factor...i forgot that we all worked hard...of course la, xde sape dlm dunia ni nak gagal...tp xde sape dlm dunia yg boleh tentukan nasib masing2...the outcome is still at the hand of Allah...terimalah ape2 yg terjadi, for its the best for u...trust me...
after coming back here, i had to undergo the special classes for repeaters...there were 7 of us for pharmacology subject...yup, sadly manipal here doesn't have this second exam kinda thing...once u failed, u need to wait for another 6 months to join ur juniors in their exam...now add that to my misery...penantian tu suatu penyiksaan bukan...hoho...tp xde sgt, sementara menanti i siap2kan diri semolek-moleknya...god knows i never had this kinda free time in my whole like since i entered school...dulu skolah2 slalu kene pegi kelas dpd pagi smpai ptg, then mlm buat homework, baca buku...blablabla...skrg ni kelas 3 kali seminggu...hell if i had a million in my bank i'd go travel every week and manjakan diri dgn shopping2...lol...mmg tersangat2 free...dah la pegi kelas open book test, jwb la few questions, then balik...sleepwaking to class...heheh...
but i didnt take it that way...dgn penuh rasa tanggungjwb, mestilah i balik pun study...mungkin dulu i studied for the sake of exams, yelah, with so little time, u don't really have much urge to dig into all the reasons behind the pills u were studying...dulu2 study demi exam, hafal & telan pastu bile exam muntah balik...skrg i study to become a doctor...now i could see pharmacology as an interesting subject...yelah, bile dh ada byk sgt masa, mestilah nk complicatedkan lagi keadaan...i suke bygkan konon2 ade pesakit dtg dgn symptom2 dier, then i kaji sesuai x nk bagi ikut umur, pekerjaan or penyakit lain dier...then bru bagi ubat...pastu explain kt dier konon2 pakcik/makcik, kene control dier, bile nk mkn ubt sume ni...call me crazy but its a really fun way to learn...others might laugh, seriously, i know that some people who are meant to take medicine would study all this and ace the subject easily...that explain why some people struggled so hard to pass a subject while there's a bunch who got even 90marks for the same paper...over and over again...heran betul, but its their call, good for them...kadang2 bila kita mmg sesuai dgn suatu ilmu, semua dpt diserap dgn baik...sgt2...i knw tht feeling...time2 skolah i dnt have to study much, i duduk hostel, kt kelas slalu mengantuk, balik asrama i tido paling awal...but i still managed to get high marks, and to tell the truth, i pun xtau mcm mane nk explain dh...i tried ajar org lain, bg tips, buat study groups...now i knw, that ilmu itu memilih jugak rupanya...certain people mmg terang hati sgt2...some people dont...mcm i skrg, medic ni i terase susah...bila tgk balik, xsusah pun...if its really ur call, then u'll feel so much at ease...kalau mcm i, dpd mula mmg xde hati pun nk amik medic...tapi dh ditakdirkan ke arah cni, i might as well work for it...mungkin susah sedikit utk i, tp still boleh capai...cuma lambat cket la...dont worry, i'll make this work in my own way...xpernah lagi ade budak medic yg dok berangan main dokter2 dgn her own teddy bear while memorizing drugs...i'd be the first...hopefully later on, i'd become a great doctor...i want to be a great doctor...bukan yg terkenal atau popular, tapi i nak jadi yg dapat membantu org lain, boleh layan kerenah pesakit dgn baik, explain kt dorg, kurangkan sakit dorg, happykan hati dorg...i want my patients to be healthy & happy...that's a true doctor right? :)
to those people who had failed, dont worry...hidup xselalu indah, tapi xjugak selalu ribut...jgn putus asa...take things positively and move on... :)
and yes, my ways of learning does work for me i guess...i've becomed so much better...mom said i even sound like a doctor already when she asked my advice on her meds...and exams seemed easier, alhamdullilah...kuasa allah...exam dulu i terase mcm nk jerit kesusahan...tp exam skrg i rase mcm nk menangis kesenangan...berkat doa all my loved ones...thank u so much...
dedicated to encik fahmi
thank u so much for being mine
my bestest friend & lover
these 7 months had been so wonderful
there's no one else like u my dear
i ♥ u
*cnt wait to go back*
2 weeks to go
I Ain't Goin' Nowhere When the world is on your shoulders Just too much to bear Boy my love can make you stronger I ain't goin' nowhere When you're followin' all the rules But life just will not play fair Come to me and we'll roll with the punches I ain't goin' nowhere
By your side by your side day and night I will be always There's a place in my heart in my heart Just for you always I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere
I can't guarantee that your dreams Won't fade into thin air But as sure as I'm livin' breathin' I ain't goin' nowhere
By your side by your side day and night I will be always There's a place in my heart in my heart Just for you always I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere
But straight to you No one else will do My love will shine right through your rain I will lift you up I will lift you up
I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere I ain't goin' nowhere
i really dnt knw why this sudden impulses full of negativity came out of nowhere and hit me on the head so hard that all my strength had become as shallow as it could right now
sungguh harini terase sunyi yg teramat sgt
i tried to reach all my loved ones but this f@#$%^& line didnt permit any of tht
and yes, everyone seemed to be in their own peaceful happy world
xsampai hati nk kucar kacirkan keadaan dunia mereka yg tenang itu dgn asap kabus yg hny wujud dlm duniaku sendiri ni
how i wish sum1 out there would understand
i'm in so much pain and hurt
and sadly it might all came from my own stupid head
and of course my stupid fate
i really couldn't find any words to even describe it
i couldn't tell any1
nobody would understand
i tried to tell, i tried to explain
they read, they listen, they know
but no one care
no one understand
or maybe cause i didnt really tell anyone
or maybe i didnt tell anyone with the right miserable voice tone or pathetic sobs
u might think i'm being emotional or crazy
yes, i am being so emotional or crazy right now
but its really out of my control
sekuat-kuat manusia, akan ada hari bila rebah jugak
xde sape kisah
nak mintak kesian ke?
nk mintak org kisah?
ntah la...nasib baik ade blog itu melepaskan emosi merepek skrg ni
dh xtau nk ckp dgn sape dh...so baik ckp sorg2...
nanti ade mase delete balik entry ni bebile terase malu dgn dunia apsal aku pegi post kt blog pulak bende emo2 ni mcm nk menunjuk kegilaan tu sgt...heh...like i care...
the only person who knws my truly self is me
and only i could lift my mood again
only i could make myself strong as i was again
i should sleep
tido itu sgt2 membantu ketika stress
tp nk buat mcm mane, skrg xleh tido sgt2, otak mmg terlampau kusut, jantung rabak2, hati sayu, air mata berlinangan...mmglah xleh tido...
i'm all alone
and its hard to be alone in this world
life is too complicated for me
or is it that i am the only one who sees my world like this?
anyhow, i miss my mom so badly
heh, yerr...tadi dh xtau nk buat ape terus call my sis...malaysian time 12.30am...and i was crying all the way...menangis teruk-seteruk2nya...all i said was maybe i am being freaked out by all the stress for my upcoming exam this monday...yer, nervous breakdown...only that was a part of it, i couldnt afford to tell more...these past few days had been so emotional to me...and trust me i when i say that i didnt even know why...lets just blame the hormone...if it really is, whoaaa people i really am one of the messed up woman for having this super duper chaotic hormonal imbalance...i'm totally abnormal...~sigh~
i really miss mom
wish i could hug and kiss her
and lie down snuggling her
and make my own stupid manja sound
yes, i'm still that manja with my mom
and yes, mom will lovingly layan anak gadis dia ni
well, all anak2 dia actually
if one comes, the other will jealously jump on her too
aya rindu mummy
i miss my family
i wanna go home :(
after crying to my sis, she put me on the phone with mom...luckily mom hadnt gone to sleep yet jst nw...so of course i cried to her...more violently i shall say...huuuuuu~ sumpah i mintak maaf habis-habisan for everything...felt like i did a huge sin towards my parents hence this sumwhat burdening feelings came to me...its true...when u feel like there's no one out there care, family would be there for u...they're the only ones you could bother tanpa rasa bersalah in the middle of the night to hear ur freakin cry...every words u said, they'll care 100 times more...every tears u spilled, they'll feel more...mom talked calmly, to ease my feelings...thank u god, for giving me such a wonderful mom...who always be there for me...always pray for me...always think for my own good...
"dont worry alia...allah tu akan tolong jugak...kalau dia bagi musibah, nanti byk benda baik akan dtg...kalau dh usaha mesti boleh...i knw u can do it..."
oh mom...if i die today...i really would go with the feeling that i'm very much loved by u...kasih ibu tu mmg tiada bandingan...how does a mother would compare her own sickness as a sign that allah will give thousands of blessings for her fmly later on...she has this positiveness on accepting things...and of course i cried like hell just now...again i said i'll try my best, i couldnt afford to make her sad again...my parents are my life...i would take thousands of bullets to die for them...tuhan, berkatilah hidup kedua ibubapaku...semoga aku jd anak yg solehah yg dpt membahagiakan hidup mereka, dan bukan utk menambah susah, sedih ataupun malu...ibubapa mesti la syg anak2 dorg...syg & gembira tu lain dpd syg tp sedih...i wnt them to love me, and proud & happy to have me as their daughter...*tears*
owh, harini sgt byk merepek
all i knw is that i miss my fmly so much
mom asked me to just focus on my exm
and then think of coming bck home
and see our newly renovated house
and plan what colour the curtains and mats should be
and she said "smile for mama please...i just wnt to see u smile, instead of crying..."
i miss u amma
*balik ni nk hug & kiss mom...and i wanna buy her some flowers*