a productive sunday :)

woke up early today...but since the cold weather outside turned this room into a perfect place for hibernation, i chose to snuggle inside the warmth of my purple silk comforter instead...*heaven*
actually, i was planning to fast today ganti puase again but didnt make it due to several reasons...

• first, i dah puase smlm...
• second, buka puase smlm i mkn maggi je sbb xteringin ape2, i mengidam sayur hijau but india ni amatlah kekurangan sayur berwarna hijau...
• third, tht was the last time i ate, sebungkus maggi...
• fourth, smlm disebabkan bende yg same i nearly had gastritis, only tht the day before i had a complete meal of rice and all, but i had them earlier, at 5pm after class, so mungkin arini kalau puase jugak bakal menjadi lebih teruk...
• fifth, cik abang dah marah sbb nk puase dgn keadaan sebegini...
• sixth, beliau berkompromi nak berpuase same2 dgn i esok...haha...puase dari jauh :) 

maka dgn itu OK lah...
oleh itu, i telah merajinkan diri memasak nasi lemak utk diri sendiri dan rakan2 serumah tersayang...nasi lemak campak...haha...kerana semuanya disiapkan dlm masa 30 mins je...oleh cik alia sorg...mmg version fast and furious...hohoho...siaplah nasi lemak, sambal ayam, ikan bilis and telur...complete...nyum2...

hari ini jugak telah habis 3 round mencuci kain...hohoho...dnt blame me, blame the weather please...kain susah nk kering betul2...menyebabkan cik alia biarkan saje timbunan baju2 dlm laundry bag...tapi.secara kemas la, at least tidak bertaburan kan...haha...and hari ni kan hari rajin, hujan2 pun tetap nak basuh...maka kain ended up dijemur di living room under putaran kipas tertinggi (hahaha, bunyi mcm pelik)
petang pulak menghabiskan masa menstudykan diri...haha...ye, istilah menstudykan diri terpakse digunakan sbb jarang diri berkeinginan utk study...hanya masa2 tertentu seperti sekarang yg berasa takut utk menghadapi exm khamis ni, terus membawa ke arah buku dgn serta merta...nk sediakan payung la ni...kalau boleh biar sediakan skali dgn raincoat, kasut kalis air, beg kalis air, buku pun kalis air (dah dibalut dgn plastik), maka barulah boleh mendapat A...hehehe...

quote of the day:
knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens

solatlah

i was youtube-ing randomly just now, but god's will, i encountered this inspiring clip about how important to pray...before it's too late...before it's the end of ur time...

innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun

ikhtibar for today

janganlah kita lengah-lengahkan sembahyang

kerana ajal itu tidak lebih dan tidak kurang sesaat pun dari ketentuan Allah

detik hati

i came back for lunch today...as usual...drawed out some money from the atm machine...went to a grocery shop to top-up my phone, bought some mango lassi nyum2~ this would be my lunch for the day...heavy lunch isn't an option, i have to go back to the hosp for evening class...if i'm lucky, we'd be called to the operation theatre or labour theatre to observe any cases or delivery...owh, i'm in OBG department now...today's the second day...so much to learn, so much to see, but nothing much to do...everyone's busy...so observation is the best learning method for now...even the lecturers taught us by sitting in a group, either in the class at the hosp or even like just now, class was conducted in the changing room...haha...nice~ with everyone wearing the surgeon scrubs, comel sgt! haha...semua muka excited, first time dpt pakai scrub...lol...

anyway, right now...i tgh dok lipat baju, smbil dengar lagu...bertimbun2 baju xlipat lagi...with the monsoon season around, baju lambat sgt nk kering...tambah lagi kene posting and all, dont have much time to fold them...so now, terpakse gagahkan diri lipat baju (haha, mcm susah sgt je) actually today owner rumah nk dtg inspect the house...makcik tu garang...mcm emak2 kecoh with saree and sanggul...haha...like mothers...kene la layan elok2...xnk la increase her BP kan...xpasal2 dok stress...xnk cari pasal...jamu air nanti...rumah kemas, (baju pun tersimpan elok...xde la nampak bundles of clothes on my bed kan...lol) 

sedang melipat kain, tangan juga sempat lg browse2 internet, blog walking...and then i came across a blog of a young woman, with the same age of mine, a medical student also, was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she wrote about her experience for chemotherapy...it was very inspiring, her strong will to fight the disease is just amazing...its true that in order to overcome cancer, survival chances depend alot on the patient's positive thinking, the determination that will bring him/her to attend all the tiring treatment, to face all the difficult days, to handle enormous mixed feelings...

i doakan beliau tabah dan sabar utk lalui hari2 yg akan dtg...kesusahan itu dtg dari Allah, kesenangan itu pun dtg dari Allah...semoga Allah permudahkan jalan perjuangan beliau utk melawan penyakit itu...muda lagi, cantik, bijak pandai...sungguh, hidup ini mcm2 benda boleh berlaku...bila2 masa sahaja impian dan kebahagiaan akan ditarik...ujian hidup itu akan dtg berkali2, dgn berbagai2 cara...mungkin ini cara Allah menduga beliau, semoga keadaan ini dpt meningkatkan lagi keimanan beliau...semoga dosa terhapus, pahala kerana bersabar itu bertambah berganda2 lagi...amin...

btw, tadi pagi belajar Palliative Medicine...about how to handle a cancer patient...starting from breaking the news, responding to emotional patient, confidentiality...mcm2...dlm hati, i terfikir...sejauh mane pun seorang tu belajar, but it must be way difficult to handle for real...hrp2 dpt la jadi doktor yg boleh membantu pesakit2 dia...bantu bukan saja dari segi dok prescribe ubat je (ubt pun kene la bagi yg betul kan...), hopefully i can help them physically and emotionally...give support and help as much as i can...hopefully i'll see each patient as human beings, hopefully dpt bantu dorg sama mcm bantu keluarga or kawan2 sendiri...yes people, sometimes bila dah terlalu "biasa" sgt dgn situation tu, seseorang mungkin jadi lupa diri...kesakitan dan kematian itu mungkin boleh jadi perkara biasa sampai xtimbul dalam hati apa perasaan pesakit ataupun keluarga mereka...we might treat them as "just people" instead of a person with feelings...nauzubillah...jauhkanlah diriku dari berperasaan sebegitu...

klah, nk smbung lipat kain...sekian...hehe...

Journey towards the better ME, WE & US

Life isn't about Finding Yourself

Life is about Creating Yourself

it's never surprising when you see someone you knew before, becoming somebody stranger, somebody else...people change, as time goes by...no one stays the same, unless they were in deep coma for several years, and woke up being the same them...or maybe they were in brain degenerative state that might suppress their ability to move forward...or maybe they ended up in psych wards, being the younger version of them (but still this is some sort of changing too right? from normal to not...huhu) anyway, these are just plain examples or hypotheses why people won't change...not that i'm saying the people that don't change simply because they had some brain death or brain damaged...huhuhu...i'm just saying that most of us, will change...mostly and hopefully to be the better us...but sadly there are some who changed to be the worse them...

berubah ke arah kebaikan itu adalah sgt dituntut...amal maaruf nahi mungkar...heh, ayat ni xabis2 dok ulang jadi jawapan utk kertas agame dulu...melaksanakan tuntutan agama, meninggalkan yg dilarang...i bet each and one of us da hafal sgt dgn ayat ni...tapi jgnlah hafalan tinggal hafalan...sayang ilmu yang belajar tapi tak buat, tinggal berhabuk bersawang berulat memori hafalan tu...jangan kerana bila dah masuk kolej dan universiti, ataupun dah kerja, terus lupa ilmu2 kehidupan ini..."Islam is a way of life" amalkan dalam kehidupan...ilmu yang baik, simpan dan amalkanlah...ilmu yang menyesatkan, mintak2 dijauhkan...hmm, nasihat utk diriku jugak ni...kadang2 bila busy sangat, terlupa terleka semua ade...cuma kenelah cepat2 ingat...ajal maut tu bila2 sahaja...kalaulah kita ni nampak ader dateline ajal tu, konfem setiap masa terkocoh2 nak beramal ibadat...jangan harap la nak tgk tv dgr lagu2 dah...jangan harap la nak buat maksiat dah...jangan harap la nak buang masa lagi...for sure xnak buat apa2 dah selain mengumpul bekalan itu...

if only...cuma Allah tu Maha Penyayang...Dia xnk bagi kita semua stressed out, hidup melampaui norma kemampuan manusia...manusia ni makhluk yang sgt kompleks...yang diberi akal utk berfikir, diberi anggota badan yg cukup, tenaga, nikmat kesihatan, makanan, kekayaan...tapi manusia juga mudah dipengaruhi dgn tipu daya syaitan, tambah lagi dgn keinginan nafsu berbagai2...jadi betullah suruhan Allah itu, amar maaruf nahi mungkar...tidak disuruh solat tanpa henti 24jam sehari...cukuplah syarat 5 waktu solat wajib, andai ada lebih tenaga dan kudrat, dituntut utk melakukan ibadat2 sunat yang lain...tidaklah disuruh membalut diri dgn 10 lapis pakaian utk menutup aurat...cukuplah yang tidak jarang, labuh menutup aurat, dan selesa dipakai serta tidak menunjuk2...tidaklah disuruh makan daun2 sahaja setiap hari lantas makanan2 lain diharamkan...hanya makanan yang tidak halal sahaja dan arak yang diharamkan, tu pun dgn bukti kukuh bahawa makanan & minuman haram ini membawa kemudaratan...indah sungguh tuntutan agama...itupun ada yang melanggarnya...

why does this happen? mungkin mereka2 itu terlalu mengikut perasaan...mungkin mereka itu mudah mengalah dgn hasutan syaitan...mungkin mereka itu terkabur mata dgn kejahatan...sungguh, yang melalaikan itu sungguh indah dan mudah...

Al-Baqarah, ayat 43-46:

"Dan dirikanlah kamu akan sembahyang dan keluarkanlah zakat, dan rukuklah kamu semua bersama-sama org yg rukuk (berjemaah). Patutkah kamu menyuruh manusia membuat kebaikan sedangkan kamu lupa akan diri kamu sendiri, padahal kamu semua membaca kitab Allah, tidakkah kamu berakal? Dan mintalah pertolongan kepada Allah dengan jalan yg sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang, dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada org2 yg khusyuk. Iaitu mereka yg percayadengan yakin bahawa mereka akan menemui Tuhan mereka dan bahawa mereka akan kembali kepadaNya."

jangan takut utk berubah ke arah kebaikan...jangan takut utk memperbaiki diri...jangan takut utk tampil dgn pembaharuan...sesungguhnya yang paling bertuah adalah diri kita sendiri...biar seribu mata memandang rendah pada kita, tapi Allah Tuhan Yang Maha Esa itu lebih sayang pada kita...semoga diberikan keampunan, perlindungan, petunjuk hidayah dan kebahagiaan di dunia & di akhirat...pada siapa yang kita nak tunjuk kita berubah? ALLAH SWT...Allah Maha Mengetahui bukan...siapa yang berpura2 dan siapa yang ikhlas...sungguh xrugi...yang rugi besar adalah org2 disekelilingmu yang hanya melihat dan mentertawa...rugilah mereka, sesungguhnya dgn ada yang berubah antara mereka, tu adalah salah satu petunjuk dari Allah...sesiapa yang terdetik hati utk berubah bersama, jadi dialah antara org2 yang berfikir dan berakal...anyway, for me, if any of your so-called friends mempersendakan niat kita utk berubah, mentertawakan kita, tu tandanya mereka itu tidak layaklah menjadi kawan...setidak-tidaknya kalau xada niat nak berubah sama, janganlah merendah2kan org lain...kawan yang sejati akan membantu dan mendorong kita ke arah kebaikan...tinggal jelah "kawan2" tu, ataupun jauhkan diri...xrugi pun...suara2 yang sebegitulah bakal mendorong kita ke arah yang lebih menyesatkan...nauzubillah...diharapkan semua berpendirian tetap dan berhati2 memilih kawan...bukan disuruh utk membenci ataupun putuskan silaturrahim, tapi jauhkanlah diri...

Al-Baqarah, ayat 8-15:

"Dan di antara manusia ada yang berkata 'kami telah beriman kpd Allah dan hari akhirat' padahal mereka sebenarnya tidak beriman. Mereka hendak memperdayakan Allah dan org2 yg beriman padahal mereka sendiri yang memperdaya dirinya sendiri sedang mereka tidak menyedari. Dalam hati mereka terdapat penyakit syak & hasad dengki, maka Allah tambahkan lagi penyakit itu dan mereka pula akan memperoleh azab siksa yang tidak terperi sakitnya dengan sebab mereka berdusta & mendustakan kebenaran. Dan apabila dikatakan kepada mereka 'janganlah kamu membuat bencana & kerosakan di muka bumi ini' mereka menjawab 'sesungguhnya orang2 yg hanya membuat kebaikan'. Ketahuilah bahawa sesungguhnya mereka itulah org yg sebenar2nya membuat bencana & kerosakan, tetapi mereka tidak menyedarinya. Dan apabila dikatakan kepada mereka 'berimanlah kamu sebagaimana org2 beriman' mereka menjawab 'patutkah kami ini beriman sebagaimana berimannya org2 yg bodoh itu?. Ketahuilah sesungguhnya merekalah org2 yg bodoh tetapi mereka tidak mengetahui hakikat yg sebenar. Dan apabila mereka bertemu dgn org2 yg beriman, mereka berkata 'kami telah beriman' dan pabila mereka kembali kepada syaitan-syaitan mereka, mereka berkata pula 'sesungguhnya kami tetap bersama kamu sebenarnya kami hanya memperolok-olokkan org yg beriman'. Allah membalas dengan memperolok-olokkan mereka dan membiarkan mereka meraba-raba dalam kesesatan yg melampaui batas itu."

ada pula bila kawan berubah, mulalah nak mengungkit kesilapan beliau masa lalu...mungkin kawan tu nakal sikit ketika zaman2 remaja...mungkin juga jenis bergaul bebas dan sebagainya...tgk2 satu hari dah berubah, menutup aurat dan menjaga kelakuan sebaik mungkin...seharusnya kita happy tgk perubahan kawan tu dan membantu dia memperbaiki apa yg kurang...mentaliti masyarakat kita ada yang suka mengata dan memperlekeh org...cemburu ka? sakit hati? tercabar? begitukah umat Islam yg bersaudara? kasihanlah budak tu, andai nak berubah, baguslah...jangan pulak merendah-rendahkan dirinya...sapa tahu, yg dihina itulah yang terlebih dahulu diterima taubat oleh Allah, yang lebih banyak menangis menyesal sudah dgn kesilapan lalu, yang lebih banyak membuat kebajikan, yang lebih banyak belajar Al-Quran daripada kita, yang lebih dekat dirinya dgn Allah sekarang...janganlah kita lupa diri, riak, dan begitu bangga...selesa dgn tahap keimanan yg xseberapa itu pun...setiap org punya kelebihan dan kekurangan masing2...jangan judge dari luaran, ataupun jangan judge daripada fitnah gosip2 yg org lain cakap...baik diam kalau xtahu...hanya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui...yg penting pandang diri sendiri dulu...ukur diri sendiri...diharapkan yg pengakhirannya semua dapat masuk ke dalam syurga...no one wants to end up in hell...so why do we ask for it? kita tahu setiap kelakuan & niat akan dikira dosa pahala...semoga kita termasuk di antara yang beringat2 dan berjaya, dan bukan dalam golongan yang dimurkai Allah ataupun yg dalam kesesatan...aminnn...dan semoga kita bukanlah di antara golongan yg fasik, yg mengaku beriman tetapi sebenarnya tidak, ada di antara mereka yg tidak menyedarinya pun...nauzubillah... 

marilah kita berubah ke arah kebaikan

buat baik dibalas baik bukan?

jodoh yg baik pun milik org2 yg baik bukan?

pengakhiran yang baik (syurga) itu bagi org yg baik2 kan?

spread the love & happiness, faith & iman

mulakan dari diri kita sendiri, saat ini

semoga kata2 bukan tinggal kata2

semoga niat yg ikhlas ini, kekal dalam hati

insyaAllah

(^_^)

(yg baik itu semuanya dari Allah, yg serba kurang & silap tu dari saya sendiri)

ampunnnnn

owh, mcm da lame giler xupdate blog...mmg mcm ni la kan...ikut mood! huhuhu...tapi biarlah...sepanjang berbulan2 ni, suara hati kebanyakannye wajar dipendam saje dan xperlu nk kecoh kepoh kt sini...simpan saje dalam hati...

anyway, i'm back again in manipal :) and of course bru masuk 3rd year...and i'm having fun...only that this time it's getting more and more hectic...penat berganda2...bru 2 mgu balik...terase mcm buruh kasar kene pakse keje selama berbulan2 dh...seriously august is like ages away from now...mcm xkan sampai2...huuuuu~ these are the words of 2-weeks-in-clinical year...mmg xde masa langsung utk berehat...tido pun dh terganggu sgt (tido adalah penting utk saya, sepenting2 makanan...hahahaha...maka haruslah dijaga dgn rapi, jika tidak akan membawa baran...hohohoh...amaran keras) kawan2 pun terpaksa diabaikan ditinggalkan sebentar sementara nk sesuaikan diri...owh, tambahkan lagi dgn cuaca manipal yg panas terik sepanjang bulan (xde hujan langsung!!!!) maka bertambah2 cranky lah cik alia sepanjang minggu...ramai jugak yg terkena tempias2 bahana ketensian beliau...huuuuu~ i'm so sorry...

akan tetapi harini cuti (fyi, class is from monday to saturday...ahad je la hari berehat2 pun)...so today i planned to get as much rest as possible...tapi plan tinggal plan jelah...bgn2 subuh terus xleh tido dh... T_T mcm gedik je, tiap2 hari dok merengek2 xnk pegi class, dah dok pakse diri pegi kelas jugak2 walaupun ngntuk sgt2...tetibe hari ahad menjadi hyper dan segar bugar...haihhhhhh...setan punye pasal! the syaiton itu yg menghasut suh malas2 kot...okey, tht would add up the the stress point...huuuu...

so wut did i do? sedang membelek fb tadi...terlintas di fikiran nk muhasabah diri...tetibe...hidayah kot...huuuu~ alhamdulillah...kadang2 bile hati tu terase menyimpang banyak dari agama, terus timbul niat nak memperbaiki diri...people say that's a way of hidayah petunjuk allah...cuma ade yang bile timbul perasaan insaf tu, cepat2 dorg deny and lupakan niat tu...rugi la org2 yg mcm tu...i pun bukan nk kate baik sgt...jauh lagi jarak kealiman tu berbanding dgn wanita2 solehah lain...kadang2 pun terlupa, xpun tersasar, xpun terleka, tapi kadang2 ade jugak teringat and tergerak utk kembali ke jalan yg benar...sesiapa yang melakukan dosa & maksiat, tipu sangat2 la kalau x pernah langsung rasa insaf tu datang, tipu la kalau nak ckp xde langsung penyesalan, malu kt allah, malu kt semua org...dosa yg dibuat itu kekal dalam hati, kekal dalam ingatan, dibawa sekali dgn penyesalan, dan menjadikan diri berasa sangat rendah, sangat kecil berbanding org2 lain...dosa itu sgt melekakan, sgt seronok, sgt bahagia, manis mcm madu, berwarna hitam permanent, bertompok2 dalam hati...nauzubillah...janganlah sampai gelap hati ni hinggakan xmampu nak terima apa2 ilmu dan pengajaran...mintak2lah jangan sampai hilang rasa takut dan menyesal berbuat dosa ataupun maksiat...kita manusia biasa, xterlepas dari buat kesalahan...tapi jgn lupa, ajal maut itu bila2 saja...cepat2 minta ampun dari Tuhan Yang Satu itu, sebelum terlambat...

berbalik pada cerita harini...fb-walking sepanjang pagi semata2 nak tgk ape2 video ceramah agama yg kawan2 post...sungguh random bukan...but it's true...byk yg dapat belajar, terutama bila hati mmg betul2 terbukak utk menerima ilmu...i'd thank my parents for making me more interested to listen to ceramah agama...somehow last holiday, my uncle had burned some cd's containing more than 100 of ceramah agama...the way that ustaz talked really made it fun whilst listening as well as absorbing all the dakwah given...tibe2 dgn takdir tuhan, bile balik perak from penang, ktorg lupe bawak astro card (ouh, we have 2 houses, penang which we'll go bck during weekends, and perak for weekdays, so 1 astro card is enough...but we had to bring it back and forth) maka pabila terlupa itu, tidak dapatlah jikalau ingin menonton tv di sungai siput tu...sane mcm hulu cket, susah nk dpt coverage...huhuhu...oleh itu, SEPANJANG MINGGU we (me and my bro) were forced to listen to it both days and nights plus in the car (when we're with my parents)...mmg marathon ceramah...hohoho...selama ni dok marathon citer korea or any other series kan...lain sungguh beza dia...anyway, biaselah org tua2 suke benor dgr ceramah ugame, i bet they had become addicted to it...satu ceramah nak dekat sejam kot, bygkan la kalau dgn beberapa sehari... T_T and they told me to copy them in my lappy and listen to them when i'm in manipal...utk bersihkan hati T_T tht's wut they said...baiklah ibu dan bapa, anakmu akan cuba menurut perintah...insyaAllah...benda2 menjadi tuntutan agama ni amatlah rasa bersalah kalau ditolak mentah2...bila ibubapa suruh buat, yang masih berlandaskan agama, jatuh wajib utk anak ikutkan...insyaAllah...

anyway, our fmly is a moderate one...bukan extreme mane pun...tapi masih menjaga nilai2 keagamaan, nilai kekeluargaan dan kemasyarakatan...berubah ke arah kebaikan itu memang dituntut bukan...xde pulak berniat nak menunjuk2...mane yg boleh buat, buatlah...cuma lately perubahan tu makin ketara...seluruh keluarga diajak utk memperbaiki diri...last holiday was like a tsunami blast to us family...we lost 2 of our fmly members in 2 consecutive fridays...my auntie and my beloved granma...since that mama and abah were a lil bit concern about "what-if-they-both-were-gone" kinda stuffs...my auntie was only 46, and it was an unexpected death due to heart problem...admitted in hosp for fever and passed away several days later...and then my 95 year old granma, who was already old and alzheimic, passed away while been fed by her maid...dah xkenal org, xboleh dgr, xboleh ckp...hanya selalu pandang dan senyum...senang sungguh tok pergi...senyum2 bila disuapkan nasi oleh bibik, terbatuk sikit dan terus meninggal...masyaAllah...i remembered tok always said, "amalan ni mcm air dalam mangkuk, kene kumpul sikit2 dalam hati, sebanyak yang mungkin...ada org biarkan terdedah dan lupa nk tutup mangkuk tu, jadi amalan akan kurang, xpun kering...ada org rajin menambah air dalam mangkuk, dan dia jaga betul2 xbagi tercemar...lebih xpe, jangan kurang...cuma di sisi Allah xkan ada sesiapa yang dapat ukur lebih mana amalan dorg...xde sape amalan akan melimpah2...rezeki Allah tu xtertanding dgn apa yang kita ada...kumpullah sebanyak mana yg termampu...nanti bila mati, itu la yg kita bawak...malu kalau duduk dunia lama2 tapi pulang kepada Allah dgn tangan kosong"

hmmm, anyway cuti sem yang punya kehilangan dan kesedihan...ajal sememangnya sungguh random...therefore, my parents dh start beringat2...anak2 disuruh perbaiki bacaan quran, dgr ceramah selalu, solat jgn tinggal, berjemaah selalu...and other preparations...they told me nanti nk jaga adik2 mcm mane...rumah nk buat ape, even they told me about their accounts and other harta2 yg ada...sedih bila dengar...xdapat nk bayangkan...huhuhu...but maybe its for the best...mengingati mati itu lebih baik...daripada bersuka ria dgn harapan umur lanjut sampai ke tua, mana tahu kalau hari ini yg terakhir...allahuakhbar...

"please ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kedua ibu bapaku, sihatkanlah tubuh badan mereka, bahagiakanlah mereka selalu, semoga kami antara hamba2Mu yang beriman"

aminnnnn

hari baik yg tenang :)

-jgn hanya wish salam maulidur rasul, semata-mata perkataan sahaja...adalah lebih baik kalau titipkan selawat ke atas nabi dan baca al-quran...hari utk mengingati kelahiran Nabi kita ni perlu diserikan dgn amalan2 yg baik...bukan hny kata2 kosong tp dlm bentuk perbuatan...bukan nk tunjuk baik, tapi utk mengingat semua & diri sendiri...marilah menuju ke arah kebaikan...bermula dari skrg...semoga allah memberkati hari2 kita ini dan hari2 yg seterusnya...amin...-

bila emosi

-today is one of the days-

i really dnt knw why this sudden impulses full of negativity came out of nowhere and hit me on the head so hard that all my strength had become as shallow as it could right now

oh tuhan

sungguh harini terase sunyi yg teramat sgt

i tried to reach all my loved ones but this f@#$%^& line didnt permit any of tht

and yes, everyone seemed to be in their own peaceful happy world

xsampai hati nk kucar kacirkan keadaan dunia mereka yg tenang itu dgn asap kabus yg hny wujud dlm duniaku sendiri ni

how i wish sum1 out there would understand

i'm in so much pain and hurt

and sadly it might all came from my own stupid head

and of course my stupid fate

i really couldn't find any words to even describe it

i couldn't tell any1

nobody would understand

i tried to tell, i tried to explain

they read, they listen, they know

but no one care

no one understand

or maybe cause i didnt really tell anyone

or maybe i didnt tell anyone with the right miserable voice tone or pathetic sobs

u might think i'm being emotional or crazy

yes, i am being so emotional or crazy right now

but its really out of my control

sekuat-kuat manusia, akan ada hari bila rebah jugak

kesian kan

xde sape kisah

nak mintak kesian ke?

nk mintak org kisah?

tak jugak

ntah la...nasib baik ade blog itu melepaskan emosi merepek skrg ni

dh xtau nk ckp dgn sape dh...so baik ckp sorg2...

nanti ade mase delete balik entry ni bebile terase malu dgn dunia apsal aku pegi post kt blog pulak bende emo2 ni mcm nk menunjuk kegilaan tu sgt...heh...like i care...

the only person who knws my truly self is me

and only i could lift my mood again

only i could make myself strong as i was again

i should sleep

tido itu sgt2 membantu ketika stress

tp nk buat mcm mane, skrg xleh tido sgt2, otak mmg terlampau kusut, jantung rabak2, hati sayu, air mata berlinangan...mmglah xleh tido...

i'm all alone

and its hard to be alone in this world

T_T

life is too complicated for me

or is it that i am the only one who sees my world like this?

anyhow, i miss my mom so badly

heh, yerr...tadi dh xtau nk buat ape terus call my sis...malaysian time 12.30am...and i was crying all the way...menangis teruk-seteruk2nya...all i said was maybe i am being freaked out by all the stress for my upcoming exam this monday...yer, nervous breakdown...only that was a part of it, i couldnt afford to tell more...these past few days had been so emotional to me...and trust me i when i say that i didnt even know why...lets just blame the hormone...if it really is, whoaaa people i really am one of the messed up woman for having this super duper chaotic hormonal imbalance...i'm totally abnormal...~sigh~

i really miss mom

wish i could hug and kiss her

and lie down snuggling her

and make my own stupid manja sound

yes, i'm still that manja with my mom

and yes, mom will lovingly layan anak gadis dia ni

well, all anak2 dia actually

if one comes, the other will jealously jump on her too

~sigh~

aya rindu mummy

i miss my family

i wanna go home :(

after crying to my sis, she put me on the phone with mom...luckily mom hadnt gone to sleep yet jst nw...so of course i cried to her...more violently i shall say...huuuuuu~ sumpah i mintak maaf habis-habisan for everything...felt like i did a huge sin towards my parents hence this sumwhat burdening feelings came to me...its true...when u feel like there's no one out there care, family would be there for u...they're the only ones you could bother tanpa rasa bersalah in the middle of the night to hear ur freakin cry...every words u said, they'll care 100 times more...every tears u spilled, they'll feel more...mom talked calmly, to ease my feelings...thank u god, for giving me such a wonderful mom...who always be there for me...always pray for me...always think for my own good...

"dont worry alia...allah tu akan tolong jugak...kalau dia bagi musibah, nanti byk benda baik akan dtg...kalau dh usaha mesti boleh...i knw u can do it..."

oh mom...if i die today...i really would go with the feeling that i'm very much loved by u...kasih ibu tu mmg tiada bandingan...how does a mother would compare her own sickness as a sign that allah will give thousands of blessings for her fmly later on...she has this positiveness on accepting things...and of course i cried like hell just now...again i said i'll try my best, i couldnt afford to make her sad again...my parents are my life...i would take thousands of bullets to die for them...tuhan, berkatilah hidup kedua ibubapaku...semoga aku jd anak yg solehah yg dpt membahagiakan hidup mereka, dan bukan utk menambah susah, sedih ataupun malu...ibubapa mesti la syg anak2 dorg...syg & gembira tu lain dpd syg tp sedih...i wnt them to love me, and proud & happy to have me as their daughter...*tears*

owh, harini sgt byk merepek

all i knw is that i miss my fmly so much

rindu sgt2

mom asked me to just focus on my exm

and then think of coming bck home

and see our newly renovated house

and plan what colour the curtains and mats should be

and she said "smile for mama please...i just wnt to see u smile, instead of crying..."

T_T

i miss u amma

*balik ni nk hug & kiss mom...and i wanna buy her some flowers*

ok bye

-going back to the real world-

EXAM MODE

oh oh oh!

perrghhhhhhh, dtg2 kt blog nih terus kabur dek sawang-sawangan...tangan pun terawang-awang menepis debu deban yg terbang2 membentuk kabus asap hitam...hooooo~ teruk sgt... (T_T) tp mmg da lme terase dok tgl blog ni...SEBULAN...betul kan? huhuhu...sorry people, selagi i dok study2 ni i rase sume bende bagaikan hangat2 tahi ayam (cewahhhh, da lame sgt teringin nk guna peribahasa neh...rase mcm da lme tgl bhs mlayu...hohoho...jentik cket...aishhhh, walopun i tercampak kt india ni, ktorg still ckp mlayu la...yg org utara masih pekat lagi dok ckp utara...dnt worry...heh...xdenye lupe...cume kebakuan bahasa itu agak hilang sedikit demi sedikit...lihat sahaja nukilanku ini...hahaha...terase sedikit segan jikalau ada adik2 di skolah yg taiko bahasa melayu melihat blog ini...apepun, abaikan saje...asai hang paham apa akak dok celoteh ni sudah la dikkkk ooiiiii...hahaha...ayat bersalah...lol) 

back to the story, selagi i dok study, exam pasti menyerang secara bertubi2 sehinggakan diri ini menjadi kebal tatkala menjawab soalan (nah hengkau ayat puitis...layankan saje...now mode nak berbahasa...sile berbudi...lol...rosak2..) seriously, skrg mcm dh lali sgt, xsempat nak berdebar pun...dah biase sgt, bosan mencuakkan diri...haha...apakah...justeru diriku bagaikan sleepwalking je ke dewan peperiksaan dan menjawab dgn steadynye menggunakan satu tangan...haha...ade ke org guna 2 tgn? hahaha...kot la dh nervous sgt kan...who knws? lol...anyway, mungkin bagus kan bile dh mcm ni...yela, awal2 dulu study bagaikan nak rak, takut sgt2 dgn exam...skrg.. fuhhhhh...hembusss jeee...lol...but its true...bile dh slalu exam, we'll be like constantly studying no matter what, always prepared...kalau ade serangan mengejut pun kami boleh (jwb soalan jela...lol...suh pegi perang betul2 jenuh gak kan...haha)...owh kalau sebut sleepwalking tu bukan la pegi dgn xde ape2 persediaan...of course we all study jugak, cuma xde la last minute kan...


i ingat lagi pada zaman dahulu i jenis yg slalu study last minute...siapa tidak suka? meh nk tgk muka cket...hahaha...i'd tell you...sepandai2 manusia belajar, akan ada masa di mana setan2 berdendang sakan di telinga dan hati supaye lagha akan bende2 keduniaan...ataupun mimpian (hahaha, ni bile setan hasut suh tido...) astaghfirullahalazimmm...kene cepat beristighfar, sedarkan diri, and kembali ke jalan asal...teruskan perjuangan study tuh...huuuuu~ belajar itu biar kerana allah...menuntut ilmu itu ibadat juga...yg baik2 moga dapat dipraktikkan di masa hadapan, utk tolong keluarga & bangsa...hmm, bukan niat nk susun ayat manis tp ni la hakikatnya...buat apa belajar tapi ilmu tu sia2...kalau buat sesuatu biar berfaedah & bermanfaat kpd semua...ingat mak ayah hantar belajar jauh2 sbb nak anak balik goyang kaki ke? mesti la nak anak nanti senang dpt keje, support mak ayah, tolong family...and of course tolong masyakarat keliling...jgn lupa tujuan asal belajar...duit kerajaan jgn membazir mcm tu je...study la, sbb tu tanggungjawab sbg student...gagal bile dah separa mati berusaha tu mungkin dugaan allah utk kuatkan diri kita....tapi gagal kalau diri sendiri yang sengaja xberusaha, nak buat mcm mane...menyesal xsudah kan...masa bertahun terbuang mcm tu je...hohohoh...cik alia dh start berletiaq...sorry people...xpasal2 kan...haha...ni bile mood dh dtg nak mengepost, mule la menaip sesuka jari kan...haha...


just remember, its never too late to change, towards the better you...no matter what you do, make sure you know that you're making the right decision, by doing the right things, in the right way...life is like a road, and you're a traveler...only that, once you've walked by a path, there's no turning back...it's all up to you whether to take the right or left once you've encountered a junction...and continue your journey, heads up high, chin lifted, and walk by confidently...for what its worth, you yourself know you're doing the right thing...if thing doesn't go the way you planned, don't worry...where there's a will, there's always a way...have faith...and move on...Someone said to me today..."Everything in life is temporary. So if things are going good, enjoy it bcoz it won't last forever. And if things are going bad, don't worry. It won't last forever either." (^_*) 

haihhhh...i can just blabs around in another thousands of motivating words...but the truth is, i myself am not sure what lies ahead...life had been a damn roller-coaster for the past few years...i shall say i am leading a very peculiar life...ape yg pelik? biarlah rahsia...hohohoooooo...yg penting mmg pelik, tetapi penuh warna warni, penuh drama, ketawa & tangisan, suka duka...owh, i love growing up...hidup zaman kanak-kanak dahulu boleh dikatakan pink2 purple2...time skolah pula bagaikan robot, setiap hari benda yg sama dibuat, owh i am a nerd student in those days, all i think about was studying and getting good grades...hmm, mungkin sebab tu zaman sekolah bagaikan colour kelabu hitam putih...agak bosan...tibe2 dah abis spm, and yes, result maintain terbaik...skrg??? hidup sungguh warna warni!!! i learnt about so many things...growing up katekan...getting older is tough, but that's what makes life interesting and never dull...i'd rather be living in a life full of ups & downs rather than a monotonic wave...

ok, tu je bebelan arini...terpakse kembali ke alam nyata...huuuu~

bubye blog world...brb in a month...

please pray for my exam ok

(^_*)

xoxoxoxo

Cerita Dulu-dulu 1

hohohoho...setelah berduyun2 dok send entri contests...tibalah masanya bila aku dh xtau nk buat apa...hisyhhhh, harini pun xleh tido awal jugak...jenuh la mcm ni...nanti terskip class ke, even worse time2 nak exam kan jenuh tu...haihhhhhh...mcm mane nk pakse tido nih? ade ke istilah pakse tido? tetibe teringat zaman kecik2 time dok kt nursery or tadika...petang2 pas lunch je sume bdk2 kene masuk bilik and tido...cisss, bukak mate pun xleh weyh, apatah lagi bukak mulut...tido la dlm 3-4 jam, then ptg time2 nk tgu mak bpk dtg amik bru leh kuar main2 di laman...huuu~ seksa kot...kalau yg jenis kuat tido time kecik xpe gak kan, tp kalau yg agak hyper cemane? hyper nk gerak muscles2 pegi lari sana sinun, begitu juga yg hyper di mulut terase nk bercakap...terkinja2 nak kuarkan beberapa abjad jugak2...hahaha...time2 org kate xboleh tu lagi tempted nak buat...hahaha...comel betul...kenangan kanak2 riang...

kalau skrg pas mkn je dan2 ngntuk...tht's one of the reasons i dont take early breakfast in the morning except a cup of coffee...owh2, btw breakfast is a must to everyone, never skip it ok...its just a matter of time when you should take it, depends on u actually...kalau mcm i mmg xleh la makan pepagi tu, confirm ngntuk lepas tuh, postprandial hyperglycemia a.k.a blood sugar level increased after eating (tp xde la smpai ke nak jadi diabetic kan...okay2 lagi) and symptoms dier adalah drowsiness, fatigue, blurred vision...so paham2 jela kan...lepas tu tahap keinginan utk mentidurkan diri adalah sgt tinggi...haha...sampai juling2 mata menahan okeyhhh...seksa betul... :))

a googled pic...tp sumpah my class is just like this EACH time after a lecture! haha...i guess kt mane2 uni pun sume student mengalami tabiat yg same...mengantuk dlm class...abis je sume pakat terdampar atas meja...lol

xperlu tunggu disorong bantal, sorong tgn pun jalan...hahaha...ade tu kalau kt kelas, sampai boleh tido smbil duduk, nk hebat lagi tido smbil bukak mata...xtipu weyh! sedar2 da abis class kot...seb baik lecturer xtanya kan...hahaha...naya hang..tp ade yg lebih hebat, lecturer tny pun leh jwb...wohohoho...kisah benar...i guess bile dh separa sedar pun boleh jugak masuk kan...maybe that's one of the reason people say kalau nak senang ingat bende, try baca b4 tido...hehe, i dulu penah gak konon2 nak try buat experiment teori ni...haha, curious...tp mungkin boleh caye kot...dulu2 zaman muda2 time nk amik spm, b4 tido je i bukak buku sejarah...HAHAHAHAHA! ye , tepat sekali tuan2 puan2, niat sebenar ketika itu sbb nk bagi tido awal...lol...tau2 jelah kt hostel kan harommmm membawa segala bahan hiburan, novel majalah sume khurafat abis...jadi tido berbantalkan buku sejarah, wahhhhh nangis weyh cikgu dpt student mcm ni...lol...and tau2 jelah dok hostel mlm2 tu after lights off bukan sume nk tido kan...bising bukan main...yela, we're like sisters back then...kalau boleh, gossip 24 jam pun xpe...ade saje bende nk citer2 or gelak2...yg perlu tido tu jenuh la...so buku sejarah la ikhtiar yg i ade utk tido awl...hahahaha...ngeng, but seriously that was wut i did...AS WE ALL KNOW, buku sejarah tersangat2 bosan...kan2? kalau xde exam, jgn harap aku nak bc bagaikan novel2...tp aku gagahkan jugak bc mlm2 pun...cause i love my history teacher...beliau sgt2 vogue and great...sepanjang 6 buah sekolah menengah aku pegi dulu, xde sorg pun cikgu yg hebat mcm dier, mengajar xpayah bukak buku teks...i totally agreed with her...bile dh ade buku, tu tugas student utk bc...bile kt class, tugas cikgu adalah utk mengajar dan bukan tolong same2 membaca...x ke? no wonder people sleep in class, well i did...hahaha...xsenonoh kan...

ye, i was one of the top students back in school days...but i was perfectly normal...just like the others...yg slalu disuruh diam bile dok sembang dlm class, yg didenda sbb xbawak buku, yg tido dlm class, yg kdg2 xleh jwb soalan, yg punya konflik di skolah...and yg "menembus pagar"~ hahaha, xde la lompat pagar kan, haku betoi2 xpaham pasaipa org dok lompat pagaq, hang p jalan depan pak guard and go out sudah...heh, hebat x? and i did that...selalu kot...hohoho...konon2 emergency nk beli pads or cikgu suh kuar beli blablabla utk assignment, hahaha padahal haku dok hentam kfc dgn kwn2 kot...lol...ala, budak2...biase la...xpun terus telus saje dgn pakguard tu, ckp teringin sgt mkn nasi lemak special...hahaha...and amik la pesan dorg skali pegi tolong beli skali...sng bukan...lol...lgpun bukannye pegi meronggeng jauh2, smoking or clubbing kan...setakat kuar dpd pagar je...and of course like i said, kalau org kate xboleh, itu jugak nk buat sgt2...terase berjaya xterhingga...hahahah...silly me...tp dgn syarat ko baik la dgn pak guard tuh kan...berbaik okey, lain tu dpd istilah menggedik, menggoda & menggatal...haihhh, dulu2 mmg byk betul alasan dibuat dgn pintarnye...hahaha...lagi satu bile time prep i salu ponteng...tp sebab ade record top student so bile xde dlm class tu sume pakat ingat alia dok kt library or mane2 tmpt yg sepatutnye...well, alia mmg slalu study okey...cume bile2 dtg mood kebosanan tahap melampau tu yg bru nk buat2 alasan, dgn beraninye i skip prep and pegi bantai tido kat surau...hahaha...sorg2 pulak...cool giler...byk kali pulak tu...sedap seyh ptg2 yg panas tu tido kt surau yg aman damai...agak2 org azan asar tu bgn la menandakan waktu prep telah habis...hahaha...sengal x...yg paling xboleh tahan bile kt dlm class kalau mengantuk tahap sehabis nyawa dh, i branikan diri pegi jumpe HEM and ckp xsihat/migrain/demam blablabla...of course dier bg balik, muke org xcukup tido mmg akan jadi kesian tersgt2...and kalau dok buat dlm dua bulan skali mcm tu of course xde sape tau hang dok berpura2 kan...lol...so i pun balik and tido di sickbay...tp kalau malas kt sickbay, terus saje ke hostel...huahuahua...ala, aku tau diri aku baik xde teringin nk mencuri brg2 budak kan...so balik tido jela...hehe, the good old days...well overall, saya ni normal saje...just like others :)

berbalik pada teori baca before tido, mujarab jugak la i can say...ditambah lagi dgn faktor guru...owh, i syg sume cikgu2 i...sbb dorg jugak la i berjaya sampai ke tahap skrg...thank u so much...tuhan saje boleh balas jasa baik dorg...susah nak jaga student...tension bile dorg nak exam...i ingat lagi time2 cikgu sanggup dtg mlm2 hujan2 just nak buat kelas tambahan kt ktorg...bawak kertas soalan berbeg2...sungguh, besar sgt jasa dorg...i ingat lagi sorg cikgu nangis sbb result i teruk for the subject she teaches, owh ya teruk sbb i dpt C, padahal other subjects ok je...dier salahkan diri dier xreti ajar...i nangis jugak okeyh, xterfikir dier amik kira smpai mcm tu skali...maybe sbb cikgu baru kot, she needed some confidence...so i bgtau dier yg i nk join class budak2 lemah study, i told her xkisah la susah mane pun, i nk try be better, and i would help others if i can...bukan nk tunjuk baik sgt, tapi bende2 mcm tu kite xrugi kan? and yes, terpancar sinar kehappyan bile i pegi class dier tny2 soalan, tu belum lagi time i dpt A subject tu...and i said thanks to her...terima kasih cikgu :) 

and for the sejarah thing, sebab i suke sgt2 dah subject tu...sbb cikgu tu i jatuh cinta dgn history subject...sume bende jadi senang...she encouraged her students to think on their own...jgn depend sgt on books...cuba buat cerita sendiri, filem sendiri, and ayat sendiri...heh, time spm sumpah la i ckp i mmg buat ayat sendiri...menyesal jugak sbb xhafal ayat kan, takut salah but i hentam habis ikut sedap tgn menulis...berjela2 kuar jawapan, bukan sebab dah confirm tau tu sume betul, tapi sebab dlm hati xpasti semua so main tulis je ape yg ingat...guess wut, i was the top in history back then...xpernah dalam hidup haku akan terpikir ade org leh dpt 100% utk sejarah, but i did that 3 times...and disebabkan xde istilah 100% dlm sejarah so cikgu kene buat2 potong markah sedikit...heh...and my notes were used as a reference...haihhh, the good old days...apepun membaca before tido boleh la dipraktikkan jugak...provided its not the things u have to memorise by words, but the things you need to understand on your own and have some of the ideas to be added as well...critical & creative thinking are all in your amazing brain... :)

anyway, i rase kalau skrg nk bg tips2 study ketika skolah mmg boleh sgt2...because trust me brothers and sisters, zaman sekolah mmg study direct je on the books and questions...i ni jenis malas sgt2 nk study, smpai skrg pun...haha, xsenonoh kan...name je medic student...lol...tapi i pakse diri jugak2...jgn manjakan diri kite...dlm hati, kite sume tau wuts our priority in life...which one benefits us, and which one doesnt...dlm hati kite sume tau yg kalau berusaha keras pasti dapat...allah akan tolong kite bile kite tolong diri sendiri...usaha, doa, tawakal...kalau xde usaha, xmalu ke nak mintak tolong allah, and nak berserah terus2an...kalau la ditakdirkan dpt ape yg kite nak, xpelah, allah kan maha pemurah & penyayang...tapi kalau xberusaha and xdapat, jgn salahkan sesape tp diri sendiri...nak pasrah pun dgn penuh penyesalan...huhuhu...

okeylah, that's all for now...da byk membebel kot...

nanti2 pulak smbung ye :) tgk mood...haha...now nak kene pegi study for today...exam is always around the corner...haha...so cliche~ betul xtipu, ktorg xabis2 exam...i bru je exam end of november, then 20th december aritu, and the next one would be early january...the next one again will be on 14th february if i'm not mistaken...see, setiap bulan kau...mmg xde keje lain dh la, study study study...name pun medic student kan...study jelah kejenye...terpakse memaksa diri demi kebaikan semua pihak...haha...see, mlm2 xleh tido pun pegi cari buku...mom, if u see this, i knw u would be so proud of me...akhirnya alia telah betul2 menuju ke jalan yg lurus, di mana bile2 smpai ke tahap kebosanan je terus pegi mencari buku...bangga x? lol

muahmuah...cheers to evryone~ ♥

friday tazkirah 2

-30 july 2010-

Surah Ar-Rad:11

"...Sesungguhnya Allah tidak mengubah keadaan sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri. Dan apabila Allah menghendaki keburukan terhadap sesuatu kaum, maka tak ada yang dapat menolaknya; dan sekali-kali tak ada pelindung bagi mereka selain Dia." 

WE LIVE JUST ONCE. SO AT THE END OF MY TIME I WANT TO DIE WITH MY FOREHEAD ON THE GROUND. THE SUNNAH IN MY HEART. ALLAH SWT ON MY MIND. QURAN ON MY TONGUE AND TEARS IN MY EYES. amin.

hidup ni susah...byk btl dugaan, byk btl cabaran, byk btl halangan, byk btl tanggungjwb...tapi siapalah kite nk merungut setiap masa...teruskan hidup sebaik-baiknya...ramai lagi yg lebih susah, yg lebih menderita...ramai jugak yg xsempat nk nikmati hidup ni sebagaimana kita skrg...gunakan peluang yg ada, hargai kesempatan yg diberikan...laksanakan segala perintah tuhan...selesaikan mana2 tugas mengikut kemampuan...lakukan dgn penuh tekun & sabar...biar lambat, asal lengkap & habis jugak akhirnya...jaga diri, jaga akhlak & ibadah...tugas manusia bkn di dunia semata2, ada juga tugas demi akhirat nanti...
hidup ni susah...tapi setiap yg kita lakukan perlulah ikhlas dari hati...kerana setiap niat itu ada ganjarannya...tuhan itu maha pemurah & penyayang...insyaallah usaha yg gigih pasti dpt kejayaan...dlm kesusahan, ada jugak saat2 senang...dlm kesedihan, ada jugak saat2 bahagia...dlm kegagalan, ada jugak saat2 berjaya...belajarlah bersyukur dgn apa yg ada...kdg2 apa yg kite mahukan itu bukan yg terbaik utk kite, jadi tuhan tarik dgn mcm2 cara...lalu memberi sesuatu yg mungkin kite xberkenan, tapi itulah sebaik2 kurniaan tuhan...sape tahu yg itu rupa2nya 10 kali ganda lebih baik...sabar & teruskan bersabar...islam itu mudah, islam is a way of life...xada jalan islam yg bercanggah dgn naluri kemanusiaan ataupun kemampuan kita...jadi hadapilah dgn sebaik2nya...dgn niat yg baik, insyaallah allah akan meringankan setiap kesusahan, permudahkan setiap kesukaran...

d o a  u n t u k  d i r i k u:

• ya tuhan, biarlah hatiku terang utk menyerap ilmu, lapangkanlah dadaku...mudah-mudahan segala fahaman & hafalan akan terpahat kukuh dlm ingatan...niatku ikhlas utk belajar & menjadi seorg doktor yg berjaya...biar ilmu yg dipelajari dpt digunakan utk membantu & menolong org ramai, sampai bila2...berilah aku kejayaan, semoga aku dpt lalui segala ujian & peperiksaan dgn lancar, semoga aku dpt buat yg terbaik...oh god, let me pass the exam...i really wanna go home with a peaceful heart, bringing good news to my loved ones...let me make them proud & happy, please dont give them such disappointment...please...
• ya tuhan, peliharalah diriku dari segala maksiat, kejahatan, kemungkaran, kelalaian...tetapkanlah hatiku pada jalanmu...andai aku tersesat, tersilap langkah, tersasar arah, kembalikanlah aku pada jlnmu tuhan...berilah aku petunjuk hidayahmu...sungguh, hati ini kdg2 terlupa dgn janjiku untukmu...sungguh diriku hny manusia lemah, hambamu yg masih rapuh...tenangkanlah hatiku...moga hidupku & matiku dlm keredhaanmu...
• ya tuhan, aku bersyukur padamu dgn segala nikmat kesenangan yg kau berikan...semoga kurniaanmu itu utk kebaikan diriku, dan bukan utk melalaikan diriku...semoga nikmat itu dpt mendekatkan diriku padamu tuhan...andai nikmat itu bukan terbaik utk diriku, maka bukakanlah mataku, relakanlah hatiku utk kembalikannya padamu...andai nikmat itu yg terbaik buatku, maka tetapkanlah hatiku, permudahkanlah jalanku...padamu kusembah ya allah, dan padamu kuminta pertolongan...
• ya tuhan, niatku utk menjadi muslimah yg berjaya di dunia & akhirat...ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku...permudahkanlah jalanku utk mendekatkan diri padamu tuhan...biarlah segala niat baik, impian & harapan dpt menjadi kenyataan...ringankanlah segala kesukaran, jauhkanlah dari keraguan...bukakanlah pintu peluang kebaikan...

beriman-beragama-berakhlak-terhormat-terpelihara

i saw this pic in iluvislam.com...so im putting it here to share out with everyone...hehe...what an interesting analogy...it even stated that muslimah should love themselves, be the wrapped lollipop, not the unwrapped one...nice~ walaupun aku ni bertudung, tapi agak terase jugak la dgn pernyataan ni...nk terase ape pun xtau...but terase jugak la...sedikit pedih dlm hati...huuu~ hmm, myb sbb aku sendiri masih belum betul2 lengkap & sempurna...terumbang-ambing lagi...xtau sgt nk jadi sempurna mcm mane, tapi xpelah, sikit2 ubah diri...setakat yg termampu, setakat yg tahu...dpd kecik dah diberi didikan dpd ibubapa, kt sekolah pun dh blajar dh...cume skrg tgl diri nk praktikkan je...perjuangan ni hny diriku sorg...dosa pun tanggung sendiri je...skrg dh xde sape nk jerit kalau dok buat salah pun, xde sape dh nk suruh buat itu ini...sume bergantung pd diri sendiri...pandai2lah jaga diri...and so, im trying my best here...biarlah setiap langkah tu menjadikan diriku lebih baik, dan bukannye terpesong lagi...insyaallah...

exam mode : 2nd YEAR UNI EXM :(

Everyone will feel so stressed out when it comes to exams...this usually means that you'll feel extremely tired (physically + emotionally exhausted), 24/7 under pressure, mentally confused, always worried that you won't do well or even flunk the papers till you had to repeat another freakin 6 months for the next retake paper...plus, the guilt and shame that come together with that awful failure...what a mess...some says those feelings (the worries + the fears) are normal and often encourage us to do that extra bit of revision, listen a little more to the information in a lesson and work in a better mode...tht's good, i guess...it'll at least drive your guts, move your lazy ass and make you work harder than your usual self...am i right? huhuhu...

However, too much pressure and anxiety can make you feel really bad...totally...it'll get worse when you find yourself confined in your compact room with lots of books + notes all around...out of the human world i shall say, the only companions you have might be the roaches & minnies & spideys...huuu~ (or worse, the toyols & pontis a.k.a segala creature ghaib2 penunggu bilik..hehehehhehehe...part ni sgt suke...heee~) okay, i might have been exaggerating bout that...but really, you'll be less in touch with people...all of your time would be mainly bout you and your sweet2 books...dating la berjam2 setiap hari...wajib berkepit okay, nk berpisah sekejap pun terase bersalah...huhu...ade jugak perasaan kalau2 buku tu nangih & sumpah kite fail dengan teruknye...kejam bukan bile main ugut2...huhuh...blame the stress people...your brain might think and look at the world in 360 degrees in all possible stupid ways...huhuhu...silly evil thoughts...

In some cases, you may be unable to concentrate on your work and may find that you are overly worrying about how you will do in your exam (this is so true...huuu~)...some people often deal with exam stress in many unhelpful ways, such as ignoring the problem, not revising because they think that they will do badly anyway and missing exams due to the anxiety that they are feeling (i could hardly understand this, but people do it anyway...simply skip the exam...huuu~ sorry la, this gal really cares bout her future, giving up without even trying is so not her...that's just stupid~ you will be limiting your chances of doing really well!! who knows you might ace the paper, if you study of course...huhu)

Exam anxiety can also make you worry during the exam, for example you may feel that other people are managing the exam better than you (this is so true right) or that they will be finding it really easy whereas you are struggling (so true sgain...huhu). This can cause you to feel that your mind has ‘gone blank’ on information that you know that you have revised or that you know well...or for some people like me, you'll have this nervous feelings all the time that makes you become so reckless & restless...and become a slight insomniac that you find yourself hard to sleep at night...and if you managed to sleep, you'll end up having this heavily-puzzled-so-tiring dreams every time you enter the lalaladreamland...moral of the story, never compare yourself to others...just be the better you each & every time you study...and do your very best in your exam...pray hard...and you'll be fine...(im having these probs, but still im gonna keep on telling myself to be calm + cool...and dnt give up...huhuhu)

MARI STUDY2 DGN GIGIH BERUSAHA, 

SUPAYA NANTI BOLEH PULANG BERAYA

DGN HATI YG RIANG GEMBIRA

~YEAY~

lebih krg cmni la jadinye bile dok tension2 exam ni...lunyai dh jiwa, huhuhu...its true...only god knws how tired i am everyday...people might see me smiling happily on the outside, huuhaa all the time...but really, im so exhausted...10 hours per day, utk baca + hafal buku2 gemok gedabak tu, sungguh memenatkan...tu xtambah dgn tekanan emosi tension2 ni kan...haiiiihhh, nobody said it'll be easy...they jst tell me to endure it all, demi masa depan yg terang benderang...but really, i dnt knw...betul ke masa depan sungguh cerah begitu...huhu...i dnt knw...all i knw is tht i have to live for the present, just do my best, and insyaallah the best outcome i'll get too...God is always fair, right? and im so grateful to have such wonderful people around me...the fmly, the besties, the boyfie, the buddies, and every1 else are very2 supportive & proud of me...they'll be happy with what i have and whatever i be...thank you everybody...♥ i'll be happy when you are happy too...pray for the best ok...love u all...no matter what...

words of strength :)

- another lesson of life -

somehow

in this very full-of-conflict life

there'll be a moment where

whatever you do, it'll always felt so right

but there's also a moment where

whatever you do, it'll always ended up so wrong

but just remember sweetie

no matter how dark you feel inside

just take a deep breath
and close your eyes
and think about all the good deeds you've ever done
all those sweet memories you've ever had
then you'll come to realize
that you life isn't that bad at all

and then just come back to this reality
with greater courage, faith & hopes
feeling well alive

with chin held high up, 

eyes fully wide opened,

brain actively rejuvenated,

and a big stronger heart

all are determined to move on,

and make yourself better :)

fight for your own right

live well my dear

and as time goes by

people will forget whatever you said, 

people will forget whatever you did,

all that matters is what you do now

make everyone feels better

including yourself

life isn't that complicated after all
right?

♥

friday tazkirah

diri yg belum sempurna

hehe, pepagi bute da sentuh laptop kn, mane xkene cop addicted...i woke up at 5am, couldn't sleep afterwards...tangan gatal nk tekan2 keyboard ni jugak...hari ni mcm biase, dlm seminggu there'll be a time a set to myself utk hal2 keagamaan ni...sekurang-kurangnya seminggu sekali, lebih pun xpe...manusia zmn skrg ni (including myself) walaupun dlm sehari ade cukup 24jam, tp kebanyakkan masa mmg utk hal2 dunia, tak dinafikan...huhu...keperluan duniaku setakat ni berjalan ikut plan, alhamdulillah, setakat ni semua kesusahan dpt ditempuhi dgn hati yg tekun & sabar...tp keperluan akhirat tu jauh lagi dari kesempurnaan...jauh sgt2...setiap hari ade je terbit dlm hati kerisauan kalau2 hari ni hari terakhir ku di dunia...hehe...mengingat mati tu suatu yg baik kn...tp selalunya ingatan tu dipadamkan cepat2...lantas beristighfar & xnk pikir byk2...btl ke cara ku ni? tkt sgt ke pd mati?

mungkin takut itu lebih kpd penyesalan diri yg xbrape byk bekalan nk bwk...hidup pun xlengkap lagi, masih tiada harta utk disedekah sebanyak2 sedekah, masih tiada ilmu utk diajar sebanyak2 ilmu, masih tiada zuriat utk diasuh jadi soleh&solehah yg boleh mendoakan ku nanti...amalan pun tersekat2...ni istilah yg aku guna sendiri utk diriku...ya, amalan masih tersekat2...iaitu amalan yg selang seli...jiwa sedar & insaf dlm suatu ketika, tp xlama lepas tu, jiwa kembali leka...sungguh syaitan itu bile menghasut, ada kalanya kita jadi serba salah, tp paling terkesan godaannye bile smpai kita xsedar kelekaan tu sendiri...sungguh perkara kemungkaran tu dirasai semanis2 madu, secerah2 mentari, sewangi2 kasturi (haha, betapa lekanya kita jadi)

kdg2 nk je aku tinggal semua perkara dunia ni...dan terus2 mengejar akhirat...tp susah...ya, susah bukan seperti perlu berlari 20km...if tht's wut it takes to get tht, i'd do it straight away...tp susah ni hny allah yg tahu...susah hati ni bile terpakse pikir mcm2, tp kecewa jadinya sbb bile dh penat pikir, ape pun xjadi, hidup diteruskan mcm biase...sungguh, manusia xboleh lari dpd dunia...manusia hny perlu lalui dgn sabar, anggap la semua sbg dugaan...

i wished for a happy life...but i feel like i don't deserve one...people say: apa2 perbuatan akn dibalas dgn setimpal...myb i've done so many wrong doings for all this while...life now is actually a flat line, and im breathing through the ventilator...just waiting for it to end...hidup ni mmg sementara...and i knw tht...wish i could just forget the fact, but it kept on coming everyday...sbb tu SETIAP hari dok cari mama, abah, tny psl adik2...hati xtenang kalau xtelefon dorg...org mungkin ckp minah ni gile kot, dok homesick je keje, manje sgt la tu...but actually hati xtenang, im not ready if it's my last day...rindu & syg pd dorg sgt mendalam...i wish i could be near them...kalau ape2 jadi, i wish i could be by their side...hmm, evryday aku lebih risau bende2 ni dpd study...apekah maksud tu...xleh tahan la...i jst feel these things are much more important than the latter...does tht mean alia ni xtau bersyukur? nope, definitely not...im so grateful im in the life i am now...ramai sgt2 manusia yg kurang bernasib baik di luar sana, yg berharap sgt2 utk tukar hidup dgn aku ni...hidupku skrg ni susah, tp bukanlah sekejam2 dunia...masih lagi ada campur2 kebahagiaan & keceriaan...masih lagi dipenuhi kasih syg & simpati antara satu sama lain...
Rasulullah SAW bermaksud: 
“Perbanyakkanlah olehmu mengingati 
perkara memusnah kenikmatan, iaitu mati.” 
(Hadis riwayat al-Tirmizi1

ya allah, tenangkn la hatiku, tunjukkan la aku jalan yg lurus

sayangilah aku ya allah, 

andai ku kembali padamu dgn penuh kekurangan, 

ampunkn lah dosa-dosaku, sungguh aku hambamu yg lemah

i wish my life is more complete...more stable...more satisfying...

but i jst dnt knw how...

life still feels empty & incomplete
i feel like im alone in this world,
mmg la ramai je manusia sekeliling
but im alone :(
it just me & my incomplete world

*insan yg xsempurna*

ada apa dgn kaya harta, cantik rupa, tinggi keturunan

kalau miskin agama, hitam hati, rendah akhlak
~meniti jambatan ke seberang~
walaupun hati resah, mulakan hari dgn senyuman
(^_^)