one of the bad days

...have you ever felt so...

awful

boring

clumsy

confused

defeated

depressed

down

empty

foolish

forgetful

hurt

horrible

helpless

lonely

sad

silly

stupid

terrible

timid

troubled

upset

unlucky

weary

worried

worthless

I'M IN THE DARK 

& I'M TOTALLY DOWN

when people ask u why do u wanna study medicine, what would u answer?

a lot of answers came across my mind...just like when u hear a stressful debate and of all sudden there were so many freakin voices rushing through ur ear, and demanding u to listen to them...its such a mess...im caught in between...there's no words could ever explain why i ended up in this route...

FATE? i guess...i never asked for it, it just came along the way..and i chose to follow whatever in front of me...i grew up being top student in EVERY school i've ever attended...yeah, all 10+ of them, a lot rite? i knw...huhu...and lastly i got straight 11a's in spm...so what else...of course people would expect me to take medic...i still dont understand, till now, why does everyone thinks that medic is meant for the brilliant students only...and they really looked down on other profession...why people? as long as u do great in wutever u do, u'll be successful anyway...ape mslh korg ni? pandang2 la org keliling, ramai je yg berjaye kaya raya...and they're not doctors...ramai je yg bermurah ati berbudi pekerti dok tolong2 org yg susah2 sana...and they're not doctors...so what were u all thinking?

hmm, PARENTS? absolutely...they were the happiest people on earth when they got the news...and still the proud parents who never stop supporting me and take care of me...tq mama n abah...u both are the most wonderful parents in the whole world...no less than we've ever needed...and for sure i dont wanna let them down...anything for u mama n abah...u r my everything...it feels nice doesnt it? to have a doctor in the fmly...its okay, so let me be...not everyone would give up their life for this...and not everyone can do this...but 1 thing i knw for sure, i would never ever encourage my kids to do sumthing they dont want to...they might change their passion once they grow up, and maybe they'd like some depressingly lame professions...huuuu~ but what-the-heck people, just let them be...and support along the way, strive to the fullest...let them learn their life lesson and be responsible in everything...so tht they'll never blame u later on...dont make it harder...good kids tend to please their parents, not wanting to hurt their feelings or destroy their hopes, but they'll end up hurting themselves...struggling in their study is one thing, another is when they're struggling within themselves...its so frustrating when one day u'll meet a friend who had chosen the path that u've ever wanted, which u've let it go, and u saw he/she happily graduate, and work...its just so frustrating...when u had the chance, but u had to let it go...no matter how much u've tried to remind urself that its the right & best choice, there's always a rebelling voice inside of u telling u to stop faking it and blame urself...padan muke byk2...heh, trust me...these evil voices will never leave ur head till the end...the angelic sides of u sumtimes had no chance to backfire them...deym la i really hate when they came haunting me...benci sgt la...ni yg mule nk emo2 balik kn...no wonder some people end up being crazy...or give up in between...or got through but dead inside...

hmm, if u ask me now...i'd just tell u yg i mmg minat gile dpd kecik...sng citer, org pn xtanya byk kn...mls nk explain, nt makin sakit ati je...

but for those who really wanna knw, i'll tell u now tht i dont really know...

these kinda question really kills people la...

medic students always have their ups & downs...

there're some hopeful days & dreadful days

there were times when the heart is really keen to happily become a doctor and help people blablalalalala

but there're days when u felt so exhausted/stupid/helpless, and u feel like giving up, life is full of regrets...

so i dont really know...all i knw is tht time passes by without waiting for u, so stop whining and just move on already...do ur work and tht's it...there's no magic in this world, and owh sorry la, u r not any princess to be treated so specially...so whether u like it or not, just live with it!

-end of story-

if u dont like it, there're only 2 choices...

a) brani mati benti study n pursue ur dreams...though its too late, but dah kate brani mati kn, gud luck...there'll be hundreds of people who would say how stupid u r...how much time n money wasted...but there'll be another thousands of medic students here, who'd totally understand u...and proudly salute u for ur bravery...and wish u happiness & all the best :) and there's a bit of jealousy too...true...

b) telan je mati-matian segala ilmu medic2 ni...and pass the exams...hidup jela...nk wat cne kan...xsemua org dpt amk medic...and xsemua org tahan nk study medic...its not tht hard, but dnt expect it to be easy either...think about ur fmly bck home...pujuk diri slalu...study smpai mati ok...bley masuk syurga...ahahahahha...bodo je ayat kn...tp nk buat mcm mane, takdir...for these people, u r so brave to continue study no matter what...never give up ok...each medical knwledge that u knw now would save thousands of lives later on...think positive always... :) and doctors are still the most sexy-nerdy-intelligent-good looking people, kan kan?

(btw arini i emo cket...tht's why dok meluahkn perasaan...haha)

p/s: nk tukar cita2 jadi housewife jela...can i mommy? can i? ;p aya mls nk study byk2...hihihi...ade jugak nk kne berletiaq bile balik satni kn...haha...